I finally lost it over the weekend and with the encouragement of the eldest posted a gofundme to try and help get our lives back on track.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/rob-and-family-get-their-lives-and-house-back

I’m wrestling with a cold that wouldn’t have bothered me in years gone by but now very much does, a lack of sleep because of that and a brain that largely blew a gasket at writing out what’s only a small portion of the complete hell that has been the past few years for the gofundme. So excuse both my lateness and (even more than usual) inclination to info dump.

We’ve been barely getting by for a long time and been overly reliant on the kindness of others as it is, the past few months it’s got to the stage where I’m spending days at a time wondering how to do anything at all ever when things are so bad. A run of disasters for the kids, losing three cats in a short space of time, a whole bunch of stuff breaking in quick succession, no money for food most of the time much less replacing things, and the prices of just about anything spiralling upwards has finally done me in.

Like, I wasn’t doing fantastic after losing Em a couple of years back but genuinely thought with the help and support we got then, things could at least come together to something normal-ish. Well, that didn’t happen, did it? Fuck me.

I was really, really, reticent to go and ask for help again because I already feel like I’ve been taking the piss to get this far but the eldest, rather bluntly, asked me what the choices were at this point and made it clear they were worried as shit about me recently (which is kinda funny given the amount of stuff they’ve been going through themselves and I’ve been non stop worried about them and the other kid too) so stop being a bell end, Rob. So here we are.

No secret that I hated even having to post a gofundme but writing out the details and having to read all that there in black and white, knowing that wasn’t even a quarter of the nonsense I’ve been dealing with and having to acknowledge just how shit things are turned out to also not be great for my noggin. Who knew?

So yeah, I won’t repeat much now, a bunch of the details are in the gofundme so I don’t have to go over it all again for the sake of my own sanity. Things have been very fucking bad for a very long time and we need all the help we can scramble together to try and turn things around.

The response so far has been overwhelming in a very literal sense, my brain has been complete mush since Saturday trying to process things when I’ve not got much noggin leeway most days, much less when people are being really super kind and nice to us.

There is so much to replace, fix and do to try and get back to a different normal though. With what’s there now we can get well on the way to getting the kitchen electrics fixed, replacing a good portion of the appliances, getting a skip and stuff but really, things are that bad, have been that bad for so long, there’s still so much to sort to get things to a vaguely dignified and liveable level.

Like. The fantastical dream scenario is that I can get enough to do all that, kit the kids out with the stuff they need to get back to functional and at the wildest end of things, have enough left to replace the half working in an all too literal sense, range oven Em bought when we did have a few quid spare. With so much other stuff to be done, with having to take my own health into account, with that being such a silly large amount of money in itself, I don’t actually expect to get there. I’m just thinking out loud at this point. Like I say, that’s dream stuff, the “and they all lived happily ever after” that probably also involves marrying into royalty and settling in the woods with some very talkative animals.

So that’s probably a good time to shut up. I’m tired and at the typing what’s in my head stage of things again.

The GoFundMe is here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/rob-and-family-get-their-lives-and-house-back and absolutely every penny will go on making things less shit and as close to a normal normal as possible. The goal is still well below what it’ll take to sort everything but we’re already at a literally life changing number. The sheer overwhelming kindness folks have been showing over time has been incredible anyway, over the weekend it’s been absurd. Last night I got to sit with the kids and work out what new bedding and stuff they wanted and we collectively had a moment of things sinking in, how it’s amazing that this is something we’ll be able to do now. I haven’t seen them smile like that in two years now.

Considering we were sitting there with no money and a near empty cupboard, no way of getting food in, there’s been a bit of whiplash, I’m sure you can understand.

Some folk have asked if there’s a way of supporting us getting there outside of gofundme and suggested I put together an Amazon wishlist of stuff. I’ll be honest, I’ve spent so long not being able to think about wanting anything bar essentials, it’s scattergun stuff. I also handed it over to the kids for them to add stuff to that they might want so there’s a bunch of films and make up and stuff from those two.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/279RHOX8Z0WGA?ref_=wl_share

Honestly though, we never expected anything whatsoever at all much less the reaction we were met with so we’re just so bloody grateful right now as it is. Just the thought of having a house where some of the things that are supposed to work do has meant the world.

I keep saying thank you all the time and it feels almost weird at this junction but I’m still not even sure a thanks covers the depth of grateful we’re at right now. Still though, thank you so far, for all of it and then some. It’s nice, tho weird, to have some hope.