With Your Host, Rob Remakes

Tag: Robots Page 1 of 4

Cataloguing The New Arcade: Glitchangels

The character select screen from Glitchangels, it's glitchy! And purple. There's a distorted pixelised angel in the background, a green hued user interface with two big icons in white, one some arrows to indicate 'dodge', the other a skull to indicate 'rage'. It's very nineties cybergoth.

Sitting at the intersection of glitchgoth and cybergoth, Glitchangels is Berzerk reimagined as a Nuclear Throne-alike. Throw out the unending maze of the arcade classic, replace it with discreet rooms with tight corridors, clear the enemies to open the exits, paper it with Droid Assault inspired art – strip out the Paradroid elements, keep the store and upgrades.

Glitch everything, movement, firepower, everything. Play the videogame as VHS, make a mistake, rewind and forward your angel to safety. It’s weirdly now. It could really only collect all these things together and vibe like it does in the now but yes, it’s an EBM arcade dancefloor Robotron.

What a heady mix for a twin stick shooter all this makes. Instantly familiar to anyone who’s even mildly been paying attention in our post Geometry Wars world and it’s not like the game makes any effort to hide or obscure its influences anyway, quite the opposite. It’s there in the credits, it’s there the moment you spawn into the first screen. 40 years of twin sticking, goth’d up, glitched up.

Buy it on Switch, grab a cider and black and sit in a tree to play it, preferably in a graveyard. In Whitby if you need to. Maybe get the flourescent gear out, meet the game on its terms, you know? Sod it, chuck a glowstick or two in your bag whilst you’re at it. If you know anyone with a dry ice machine, I’m not saying it’d complete the vibe but it certainly wouldn’t hurt.

Or, y’know, grab it on the PC or Xbox. Whatever works. But really, do grab it. It’s good. I’ve been having an absolute ball with the thing.

Fight. Die. Glitch. Win. It totally does what it says on the tin.


Come say hello on Mastodon, donate via Patreon

Robots I’d Punch: 7 Zark 7

A panel from a Gold Key comic based on the TV series 'Battle Of The Planets'. Keyops, a visor and cool-cloak'd hero is asking to a robot on a screen saying "I've seen enough robots for a while". The robot responds with an 'ahem'

Harsh? Perhaps! After all, 7 Zark 7 is supposed to be one of the good ‘guys’, sitting underwater at Centre Neptune, monitoring a multitude of threats to the Earth (which all happen to be from the same space dude every single time so there has to be a more efficient way).

My theory is that 7 Zark 7 is a glorified Ring doorbell or something. Probably stuffed full of pictures of passing cats and postmen, the whole “looking out for space crimes” being more of a sideline compared to the massively more profitable work it does identifying people by cross referencing 16 different data sets with its own enormous water cooled data store so as to sell them a Henry The Hoover and a pack of 16 party hats of varying colours and quality.

Underwater because people just find it easier to believe that it’s for the good of mankind if it’s got an underwater base because underwater bases are cool. But! You know who else has an underwater base? Dr Eggman from Sonic The Hedgehog, that’s who (and also a whole bunch of jellyfish that can kill a man stone dead but that’s another story. Also I don’t actually know if jellyfish have secret underwater bases but you’ve got to admit, it’s a terrifying thought that they might).

Even on the off chance that 7 Zark 7 was built with the best of intentions, we all know how capitalism works by now. At some point the company that created it is going to go for an IPO or get bought out by Amazon then all bets are off.

Best to punch it just in case. We can’t go taking the chance.


Come say hello on Mastodon, donate via Patreon

Robots I’d Punch: That One From Lost In Space That Slides About The Place A Lot.

It's the robot from the original Lost In Space conversing with a kid whilst on an alien planet.

As cunning designs go, this is definitely one of them. They’re not punch proof but I reckon getting a smack in isn’t going to be easy.

The head is hard to reach, I’d have to get past those wobbly arms as well. Awkward stuff. Plus, I just know the robot is going to be yelling “DANGER DANGER” if they spot me.

So, okay – two ideas. Try and sneak up on them and give them a swift slap from the rear or wait until the spaceship they’re on wobbles a bit and the robot starts skating across the floor, meaning their attention is elsewhere. Perfect time to get a punch in!

Either way, I’d have to be quick but the challenge is all part of the fun.


Come say hello on Mastodon, donate via Patreon

Page 1 of 4

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén

(actually powered by depression and pills)