I mean, not me personally! I don’t bury anyone, officer. I’m talking about the film starring Richard Boone.

The poster art for the film I Bury The Living starring Richard Boone

What an absolutely cracking film it is too. It’s the story of a bloke who’s assigned to look after a graveyard and discovers that by exchanging the white “reserved” pins with the black “buried in this plot” pins on a map of the graveyard, the person who the plot is reserved for will die.

It’s got a real spooky comic book feel to it and both the script and Boone’s character, Kraft, share the same disbelief as the viewer. The idea is absolutely silly and of course no-one is going to believe any of this actually can happen, especially including the person ostensibly making it happen.

It’s that disbelief that keeps the film ticking over. I absolutely cracked up when Kraft (no relation to the cheese) does a comedic “pick a pin at random” routine to try and confirm his suspicions as to whether this whole pin thing is real. Like, dude, no. That’s not a good plan. Don’t do that. You know, just in case.

Anyway. The bodycount mounts as the film goes on, nobody believes any of this is happening, it goes totally off the deep end towards the end and finishes up on the full Scooby Doo. In other words, it’s absolutely perfect. What more could anyone want in a film?

It’s directed by Albert Band who directed lots of tat including one of my perennial faves, Ghoulies 2. As many of the best b-movies do, it lurches between drama and not entirely intentional comedy on a whim, sometimes in the same scene (often in the same line of dialogue).

It’s up on Prime Video (UK, natch) at the mo and really, it’s such a great film. You’ll never look at an oversized map of graveyard plots the same again.